I have been talking to a lot of fellow TCKs in their mid twenties and early thirties about the flip side of their spooky ability to adapt in any situation. I came across an anonymous quote in the excellent anthology, Strangers At Home, by Carolyn Smith, that nicely sums up what I have been hearing:
"The one thing I haven't really conquered has to do with the downsides of the ability to adapt. I became aware that I was too good at adapting, that I could fit into any crowd very quickly and effectively, no matter what kind of a group it was. Privately I would hold back and have a lot of private judgements about it...and after a while I began to realize that this was dishonest. For example, in a professional setting, rather than challenge, I became very skillful at figuring out how to advance my agenda using language and concepts they would respond to. To some extent that's a good thing to know. But after a certain point it becomes manipulative...I've stated it at its most extreme. But I began to be aware at some point in late twenties that I needed to be careful. I was too good at it."
What do you all think? Can you relate? What do you think drives this behaviour? Wanna talk about it? :):)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Harken, Fellow Chameleons....
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2 comments:
wow - i can definitely relate! i just recently realized the danger of dishonesty in being too good at adapting... until now i have mostly just felt a lack of identity - not knowing myself - because i understand and identify so well with the perspective of others, that it results in not truly knowing my own viewpoint. does that make sense? i have worked to develop my own identity and preferences and perspectives, but it is still easier to keep them inside and adapt to the perspective of those around me. ok - enough rambling - all that to say, your quote resonated very strongly with me!
I hear ya! I am finding that work I do on my identity is only accessible to me if I am keeping up with my grief work. So many times the places in which I try to fit are not good for me anyway!
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