Norma McCaig's "Seven C's"

"We traveled through time and landscape in our own bubble, touching down here, resting there, floating for just a moment before gently- or not so gently- setting down again, always with the knowledge that no matter what happened outside our fragile shell, we were what counted- the 'us'."Adrienne Scherger-A Childhood Inbetween

Norma McCaig, the founder of Global Nomads International, has developed the seven "C"s for parenting TCKs. These "C"s are a wonderful reminder of ways to help your child form a strong core identity and mitigate loss. Here they are:

Caring and Communication-Your child's ability to feel your love and to communicate freely with you is extremely significant in any setting but is especially so for the family that is abroad. Cultivate a strong bond with your children and establish daily patterns of communication that help your children to debrief their days. A wonderful rhythm to adopt is that of the Examen. In the book Making Heart Bread, by Dennis Linn,Sheila Fabriant Linn, and Matthew Linn this process is described for children. This tool is a phenomenal way to teach children to take stock of their day and to sit with and care for their emotions. This tool is powerful in the prevention of accumulated grief and anger.(The Linns teach the Examen to adults in their wonderful book, Sleeping With Bread:Holding What Gives You Life) Children are much more likely to stay connected verbally in times of crisis when they have already formed a habit of doing so.

2- Collaboration- It is very common for TCKs to feel very little control over their lives, this belief can bleed into their theology and sense of identity. It is important to give these children as many real choices as you can. Encourage your children to take ownership for their surroundings,an obvious example would be to give them choice in the decor of their bedrooms. Teaching globally mobile children to nest and settle into their environment is a skill that many only learn in adulthood. "Living lightly" or resisting investment in both people and places can be a challenge that mobile people face. Collaborate with your child as you adjust to new environments. Teach them to make themselves physically comfortable in their new surroundings.
Collaboration is an important aspect of empowering the MK. When children consistently feel as though their input is sought out and valued and incorporated into their family's decision making process they begin to build confidence in their own ability to make decisions. Making decisions, especially long term decisions can be an area of weakness for many MKs. Early collaboration in family decisions can combat this tendency.
Many times missionaries have unique opportunities to collaborate with their children in the work that they do.When children feel as though they have been a valued part of their parent's ministry they tend to fare better in adolescence. Never assume that your children fully understand why you do what you do or even why you are in your host country.Regularly discuss all of the "whys" of your current situation. Use your vision casting skills in your home!


3- Continuity- There are four areas in which continuity may be practiced even for highly mobile people: furniture, photos, food and family rituals. Norma McCaig says to,"hang on to the first as much as possible from post to post, take lots of the second, for the third, prepare standard family comfort foods, and maintain and create a goodly number of the fourth."
It is important to remember when you engage in family rituals you are creating a history of shared practice with your children.These practices shape and provide visible structure to your shared heritage. You as the nuclear family are often the ONLY sharers of a unique and varied history where your unit is the only constant. Work hard to creatively express your family culture and regularly identify it to your children.
It is easier than at any other time in history to maintain connection and relational continuity with family and friends back in the passport country. Use the technology available to keep your children connected to their relatives. This goes a long way towards mitigating the perceived finality of a move and also helps to smooth a re-entry.

4- Closure and Connection- This is an area that is often overlooked. Unless parents have good closure skills kids have very few chances to pick them up. It is vital to learn about closure and walk your kids through healthy goodbyes. Remember that global nomad children say more goodbyes before the age of eighteen than many mono-culturals do in a lifetime. Even if you experience relatively low mobility abroad chances are that people are always in transition around you and your children are saying many, many goodbyes in spite of their relative geographic stability. The grief associated with these goodbyes can accumulate unless intentional effort is made to grieve productively. It can be dfficult and frightening to watch a child grieve. This is especially true if you have not done your own grieving. Communicate to your child that pain around goodbyes is an appropriate emotion that honours what the person ( or location, or pet, etc) has meant to you. Teach your children to incorporate things that they have valued about what or whom they have lost. For example, if your children deeply love an aspect of a culture that you are leaving, allow them to incorporate it into your family culture. If your children miss an especially kind friend,teach them to incorporate that kindness into their own values.
Dave Pollock, co-author with Ruth Van Reken of Third Culture Kids- The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds developed the easy to remember acronym RAFT to remind sojourners of the importance of leaving right. RAFT is explained in the following link: http://theirrationalseason.blogspot.com/2008/04/raft.html Teach this to your children. Help them to start "building" three to six months before leaving if possible. Give them the RAFT tool and facilitate their completion of it as a way of helping them to feel in control of their grief process. Adjustment to the next location is directly related to how well you were able to leave the first. If there is unfinished business of any kind, especially relationally, it is difficult to give yourself completely to the next adjustment cycle.

5- Cultural Identity Confirmation- It is extremely important that in addition to confirming the national identities of MKs that their identities as global nomads are also confirmed. This is a place of potential conflict for many global nomads and their parents. It is important for parents to grasp that they are raising children who are forming a distinctly different cultural identity and that the end product may feel little or no allegiance to the passport culture. Dr. Barbara Schaetti of Transition Dynamics suggests several ways to reinforce this identity:

- Be sure that as parents you are aware of the benefits and challenges of an internationally mobile childhood. Discuss these with your older children and help them look for ways to use the skills they are learning.

- Affirm your child's ability to move seamlessly between cultures. Point out the ways in which they intuitively act appropriately in each of their cultures.

- Try to help your children find a peer group to whom they belong. When kids re-enter the passport country it is vital that they are able to connect with others who have lived internationally and share their cultural identity.

- Help your children to creatively think through ways in which their international childhood can help them meet their professional goals.

- Help your children to realise that the same skills they use in any cross cultural interaction can be objectified and used in their passport culture. Help them, via modeling, to approach culture in a non-judging, learning posture.