Cat's Feet...

TCK/MK grief is sneaky. It creeps in on tiny cat's feet as the stamps in the passport pile up. It finds its way in between the African sunset and the family reunion in Chicago. It is grief that is very often the flip side of incredibly rich and varied experiences. For many TCKs it only begins to really make itself known in the early to mid thirties while for others it has been a companion since childhood. For the vast majority of globally nomadic people grief must be reckoned with. There are several reasons why this particular variety of grief can be difficult to spot and mitigate:

- losses are experienced during developmental years- when loss is experienced during childhood and very young adulthood it is processed very differently than in adulthood. It can be buried much more deeply and can be difficult to access and understand.

- losses are multiple and simultaneous- much MK loss occurs repeatedly and all at the same time. For example, with one plane ride an entire culture and community of friends is lost along with smells, foods, flora and fauna and language.

- losses are hidden- and often experienced as the flip side of wonderful experiences, who wouldn't want to visit all of the extended family in four states and then fly back to Bangkok via Manila?? It is difficult to grieve when no one else appears to be and when you can't put your finger on what exactly it is that you have lost. For example, hidden losses of TCKs could include: a loss of status in their host or passport country, loss of an entire lifestyle, loss of culturally appropriate role models and mentors, loss of a past that wasn't, loss of a system identity such as a mission org or the military, repeated loss of control over environment.

- TCK loss has the potential to be unacknowledged and unresolved- when losses are hidden it is difficult to name them. Missionary kids especially can feel that they are unable to give voice to their hurts
because often their grief is compared to a higher good and discounted as a part of the "call" on their lives. This may be true (or not) but it is not comforting to a child's heart.

-TCK loss is often experienced alone. All grief can be isolating but the combination of loss occurring in developmental years and as part of a family system that brings benefits as well as pain means that very often the TCK opts to experience his/her pain alone. Due to the isolation of the family unit the TCK has very few options to seek out for comfort. If the family is not functioning well the child grieves alone.